How quickly we move on – I’m not at the “John Wick who?” stage yet, but there are so many new movies to look forward to. These are some of my most anticipated films of 2018, and it’s fair to say that sweaters, sci fi and prehistoric sharks feature quite heavily.
1. Destination Wedding
Everyone’s favourite real life if-only couple (why don’t they just get married already?) Winona and Keanu are Frank and Lindsay, wedding guests who meet up at a mutual friend’s nuptials and can’t stand each other.
I love films about American weddings as there are so many opportunities for drinking and dressing up with all those rehearsal dinners, and rehearsals for the rehearsal dinners, and eventually, about a week later, an actual wedding.
In the UK everyone drifts in over the course of the previous evening, then gets pissed in the bar while moaning to each other about the acceptability of a poem asking for money in lieu of presents which rhymes “gift” with “miffed”, and “kitchen blender” with “return to sender”.
Watch the Destination Wedding trailer
A lighthouse on a cold rocky Scottish outcrop, Gerard Butler with a beard, and chunky sweaters – LOTS of them. A sort of Scottish Light Between Oceans, but with oatcakes.
Based on the Flannan Isle mystery, a real life incident where three lighthouse keepers simply disappeared from their posts, never to be seen again, I’m expecting it to pit Butler against weather even worse than in Geostorm. Still, I’m looking forward to seeing him back in a low-budget thriller that’s psychological rather than guns and bombs.
A terrifying tale about a prehistoric creature we all thought extinct: Jason Statham.
Not really. Meg is a Megalodon, a 70 foot killer shark believed died-out for millennia. But now a stricken Chinese submersible is stuck on the ocean floor with the Meg circling; and only Jason can save the crew.
I love sharks almost as much as aliens and dinosaurs though I’m slightly concerned that last time I saw Statham, in 2017’s rather fun Fate Of The Furious, he was out-acted by a baby. Don’t let us down, Jason!
4. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
I’m starting to think that this franchise’s dinosaur hybrids are a comment on actors and actresses as they attain Hollywood stardom: louder, and crazier, but mainly with more teeth.
Looking like The Lost World crossed with an episode of Pet Rescue, this is dinosaurs with added lava. Together Claire and Owen try to save them as the island on which they have been roaming free is menaced by a volcano.
Watch the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom trailers.
Keanu Reeves attempts to bring back his lovely children and their blonde swishy-haired mum from the dead by trying to clone them, little realising there are loads of blonde swishy haired mums who would happily step into the gap, and one in particular.
Like many recent Keanu films it’s got me thinking “wow why didn’t I think of that idea!” before realising two minutes later that the idea in question is completely bonkers.
As usual, movie cloning involves a naked woman covered in goo.
Watch the Replicas teaser trailer.
6. Phantom Thread
The title makes this movie sound like a deleted tweet, but actually in Daniel Day Lewis’s final film before he retires from acting he plays a couturier.
The renowned method actor apparently spent months learning the secrets of the best dressmakers, and it occurs to me that if all actors went method, and started taking roles in films about the world’s best bakers, writers and lovers, this planet of ours would be a happier place.
*** Update: Phantom Thread review ***
7. Den of Thieves
Atlanta stands in for LA in this movie about bad cops and slightly less bad robbers.
The cops are led by an enormously bicepped Gerard Butler whose character is sadly not called Den but should be.
The gang are addicted to heists and planning on robbing the LA Federal Reserve of a load of untraceable and soon-to-be-destroyed banknotes.
But Butler’s Big Nick Flanagan is the kind of man who shoots first and then might bother arresting you once you’re dead, and if he decides to read you your rights it’s probably your last ones.
Watch the Den Of Thieves trailer. *** Update: Den Of Thieves review ***
8. Black Panther
Black Panther / T’Challa is returning to his homeland, Wakanda – after the death of his father, the king. The country is highly technologically advanced because of its access to the super-strong, super-light metal Vibranium, and the kingdom, and T’Challa, are protected by the all-female Dora Milaje.
But as often happens when a king dies, succession is not necessarily smooth and there are always usurpers to the Throne.
Black Panther’s costume also looks awesome, finally, after years of me looking at Batman – yes even Christian Bale – and thinking “yes, but he’s dressed as a bat”.
Watch the Black Panther trailer. *** Update: Black Panther review ***
9. A Quiet Place
Shhhhhh! A strange family live in a large dilapidated house surrounded by overgrown undergrowth, and so far so my childhood.
Only they communicate by sign language, as any noise at all brings forth terrifying monsters.
We don’t know much more about John Krasinski’s directorial debut, which must be super-annoying for the thousands of people who have already visited my trailer pages and articles about A Quiet Place, no doubt expecting a site called Caution Spoilers to have some spoilers about it. Sorry!
I really enjoyed Justice League, despite knowing nothing about superhero movies (maybe that’s why I really enjoyed it).
Aquaman was tracked down by Batman to the freezing Scandinavian seas, and he was mesmerising with his pale blue watery eyes, thick wavy hair, tattoos and muscles.
But we didn’t find out much about his history or his mythology apart from a brief scene with a rather underwhelming Mera.
So this new DCEU movie, due out at Christmas, is going to be a must-watch for me.