That ending, and what led the Roses there… (or my three-star review of The Roses is here).
The D word. So, do they or don’t they?
Die, that is. Or Divorce.
It looks pretty clear to me that Ivy and Theo die at the end of The Roses (their teen twins, Hattie and Roy, are off at university on scholarships as the junior fitness prodigies Theo has turned them into, and there are, as far as I know, no pets in the house, so we don’t need to worry about them).
After years of fights, makings-up, marriage therapy and attacks on each other, leading to one final mega fight around that hideous house with the Italian moss on the roof and a table with a genuine medieval dagger stuck in it, they both sit down on the bed and admit they still love each other.
I know, they keep getting back together but this time it’s for keeps. For about two seconds anyway! As Theo, keen to create a cosy scene for their re-reunion, asks his over-engineered intelligent house to play their song and light the fire.
Sadly so obsessed was he with the moss and the dagger he didn’t include a gas monitor in the house, or realise that in bashing in Ivy’s pride and joy, her stove once owned by Julia Child, the gas from it is now leaking into the house. Instead of an explosion we go to a blank white screen.
Are they dead? I am sure so, though I once reviewed Arctic starring Mads Mikkelsen, which I thought unambiguously ended on a happy rescue, and readers disagreed with me, so I suppose if you want to consider them still alive then please do. I only hope we don’t get a sequel where they survived, with more of the same. As if you loved, hated or weren’t fussed either way with The Roses, maybe we can agree that it stands on its own and does not require another instalment.
(Maybe we need ambiguity nowadays? A whisper of a happy outcome however unlikely? In the original 1989 movie they are clearly dead at the end, with no last minute reprieve.)
Theo and Ivy’s best fighting moments
The list of ways they attack each other is long and inventive. Vituperative comments in therapy sessions. An AI video of Theo taking drugs, sent by Ivy to his clients. Crabs thrown into Theo’s bath while he’s in it (also Ivy). Locking Ivy in the bedroom for several hours with music blaring loudly (Theo). Burning Ivy’s cookbooks (Theo). Shooting at him (Ivy). Putting magic mushrooms in Ivy’s restaurant dishes (Theo). Sending the wrong orders to the restaurant (Theo). Feeding Ivy raspberries she’s allergic to and withholding the EpiPen until she signs the house over to him (Theo). And, best of all, SAVING A WHALE. Okay not a direct attack on Ivy but that’s when Theo realises he’s tired of it all and wants a divorce.
But how did they get here?
Ivy and Theo meet in her restaurant kitchen in London. He has just been humiliated by his architecture firm boss, and the two are immediately attracted. Soon they’re shagging in the freezer and moving to California for Ivy’s job.
Fast forward 10 years and she is now at home baking and looking after their two children, while Theo is going great guns designing flagship buildings. He’s critical of her unhealthy parenting, but does buy her a small restaurant by the sea, which she renames We’ve Got Crabs and opens to little footfall.
Then, after a terrible storm leaves his new maritime museum in bits, while also sending a top restaurant critic stuck on a side road into Ivy’s restaurant and giving it a fantastic review, their roles are reversed. Ivy’s restaurant becomes incredibly successful and soon develops into a franchised chain, with Ivy becoming famous herself. Theo becomes a house-husband, and is soon frustrated and extremely bored. When Theo does decide to go back to work he’s reduced to freelancing, and it’s made clear to him the industry has not forgotten the viral footage of him as his maritime museum collapsed in the storm.
Their marriage is always rocky, with the usual barbs, fights and forgiveness. On a flight to New York he gets hideously drunk and aggressive, while once they reach their hotel room she goes off to meet her new famous foodie pals and also gets completely rat-arsed.
Still, once the franchising money comes through Ivy returns the We’ve Got Crabs favour, and gives Theo the money to build them his dream house. He massively overspends though (the moss, the dagger), annoying Ivy who has worked so hard.
The children, who started off sugar-obsessed tweens, have been transformed by Theo into healthy-eating runners, and even though they are only aged 13 win scholarships to university, which gets them out of the way for when things at home get really bad.
The Roses hold a housewarming (ha!) at the new and finally-finished house, with friends Jeffrey and Jane (Ivy’s first employees at We’ve Got Crabs), Sally and Rory, and Amy and Barry, as guests. It doesn’t go smoothly, as Ivy and Theo trade insults and their friends don’t know whether to be awed or horrified.
The next day, Theo goes out for a run, and discovers a beached whale on the shore. He flags down passing motorists and together they get it back into the sea and watch delighted, as it swims off. But it makes Theo realise his marriage is over.
Once they decide to divorce they speak to the children via videocall, both of whom express relief that their parents are finally splitting.
A meeting between the couple and their divorce lawyers is particularly one-sided (Ivy’s is a killer dragon, with a vicious dog; Theo’s is their friend Barry, a real estate lawyer). But the red line for both is the house that Theo built: he wants it, she doesn’t want him to have it.
Their fights and trolling of each other ramp up, culminating in the raspberries incident, where Theo is thwarted when he sees that Ivy has signed the papers, in return for the EpiPen, “Zendaya”. She finds their gun and shoots at him, and then the fighting really starts (oranges!) – and the Julia Child stove gets smashed.
The final fight throughout their ugly dream house is nasty and cruel but ends with them admitting they still love each other. (I know. Again.) Sitting on the bed with Ivy, happiness together once more within their grasp, Theo tells his hi-tech house to play their song and light the fire, without realising the Julia Child stove is pumping gas into the house. The screen goes white…
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