Like murder hornets. Or vibrators when the battery is dying. And now… this.
2020 has brought us some terrors. That asteroid. A sinkhole full of rats. The Mummy some “experts” were planning on opening. Trump! THE PANDEMIC!
It’s been a bad, bad year. And now what little solace I had – looking at new pictures of Keanu Reeves, and drooling slightly – has been snatched from me, like Mrs Thatcher and free school milk back in the ’80s (ask your mum).
Yes Keanu has shaved off all his gorgeous hair, and his gorgeous beard – and this only a few weeks after we had to cope with beardless Keanu in a hideous salmon shirt in Bill & Ted Face The Music.
He’s like a weird Samson, where he cuts his hair off and somehow it is me who loses all strength, flopping around until it grows back.
The buzzcut is for The Matrix sequel that he’s currently filming in Berlin, and all I can say is roll on the next John Wick where he’s usually furrier than Daisy the Dog (RIP).
I’m going to post the offending photos directly under here, so go and have a lie down (with the picture above – have fun!) if you think it’s all going to be too upsetting.
I know, sometimes a warning isn’t enough. I’ve even started thinking back wistfully to his “look” in The Bad Batch, when Keanu played a benevolent despot in a drug-fuelled, post-apocalyptic wilderness, which we’ll soon be desperately praying for as it can’t be worse than 2020.
His character was called The Dream, and he had a stick-on moustache that looked like the front view of a tarantula as it scuttles forward to eat you:
No wonder I’m pivoting to Gerard Butler, who just gets hairier and hairier, and will pretty soon be perfect to play Santa, or a mad prepper in a future film about 2020.